"To have erroneous perceptions and then (try to) reason
correctly from them."
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Today, a good friend of mine posted a request on his Facebook wall, to all of his
women friends and (I guess) to women in general, to " drop all that baggage
from your old relationships" in order to have a better relationship in the future.
I responded to his request by reminding him that it was not only women who had
this problem, but more often than not, it was the men that those women were
dealing with, who probably had LARGER problems.
Our "conversation" went on to discuss how we as NORMAL human beings, trying
to live a good life in this world, are negatively affected by people who are technically
MENTALLY ILL.
OK...So, I am not a PSYCHOLOGIST or a PSYCHIATRIST and I would
NEVER try to claim those credentials whilst trying to explain how important
MENTAL HEALTH is to having great relationships in your life.
My daughter used to tell me: "Mom it's easy...all you have to do is find someone
who is as crazy as you are and see if you can put up with his crazy and he can
put up with your crazy and that way you'll know if you two were meant to be
together."
I'm sorry...my dear Daughter...Mommy is NOT crazy by any stretch of the imagination.
As a matter of fact, the reason why I know that I am NOT crazy, is that I can recognized
someone else's madness right away. Truly crazy people walk around trying to make
everyone else think that they are sane...and only a truly sane person can recognize their
(for lack of a better term) BULLSHIT! (Excuse my French)
Especially, if one of the first things they tell you is: "Don't try to psychoanalyze me!"
If anyone you know says that to you, and you think you want to form some kind of lasting
relationship with them...let me tell you...
YOU NEED TO RUN, DON'T WALK TO THE NEAREST EXIT and get as far away
from them as quickly as possible.
Because, THAT person can and will totally ruin your life.
Truly crazy people have A LOT to hide. All those skeletons in their closets make
more noise in their heads than you could ever imagine and YOU will be the object
of their abuse, terror, death or all three. I cannot warn people enough, to try your
best to get to know a person before you go sharing your bodily fluids, house or
apartment, or anything else that you have to give these people.
Those people are not capable of having a NORMAL relationship with anyone,
no less able to having one with someone who is as messed up as they are.
They are the hoarders, the cat or dog people, the gamblers, the sociopaths and the
psychopaths; angry, messy, messed up recluses or attention whores who prey on
other people like emotional VAMPIRES sucking the life out of their next victims.
I have spent my share of time in the streets, watching and observing homeless
people and I have wondered how and why would someone even want to have
a relationship with another person under those circumstances? Well, I guess
you know the old saying: "Birds of a feather...flock together." Yes, that means that
his crazy probably matches her crazy and they are happy being together.
They probably keep each other company when there is no one else around,
and protect each other from predators that might try to harm them. But, seriously...
if you live in a nice house or apartment, have a good job or you have retired "in style,"
you really don't need someone to come into your life who will totally disrupt your
hard-earned PEACE AND HARMONY.
I certainly don't want or need anyone who can't live a NORMAL life around me at all.
I have had my share of "the walking insane people" in my own life...you know the ones
that have the addictions, weaknesses, compulsions, oddities, obsessions, money problems,
alcoholism, or socialization problems. The list goes on and on...I could never enumerate
the number of psychological problems that keep people from having a normal life in a
supposed relationship. I know what is normal and what is not normal. I don't want people
who are not normal around me, at all.
People who have been mistreated by their parents, siblings, peers, relatives, strangers,
acquaintances, neighbors etc..
Women have been molested and raped and abandoned, and the men that have been
molested and used and abused and threatened with death, too.
They all carry all of that hurt around with them and the first person they meet who is
willing to spend a little bit of time with them, or listen to their problems, becomes their
"whipping boy" or "sounding board" or "scape goat"...whatever you want to call it when
they use other people to try to make themselves feel whole and normal again.
The fact of the matter is THEY NEED THERAPY...and, they need someone who is not a
part of their lives to tell them..."Look...you know what...you're crazy...and you need
HELP!"
They don't usually get the help they so desperately need, and they walk around still
wreaking havoc on the lives of other people, while innocently looking for love, or a
place to live, or a job, or anything else that we sane people have that they want.
That's why I call them "the walking insane."
They're not crazy enough to be institutionalized, but just crazy enough to make you
go crazy, want to strangle them or to stay away from them forever.
The Facebook post went on to analyze the difference between how men and women
are socialized in this Society and how that socialization effects the ways they go into
try to get out of a relationship. We could spend all day on trying to analyze the sexes,
and the problems that they have communicating with one another.
Well, --- communication between the sexes was the main topic of the post and I told him
about how unfortunate it was that men usually don't know how to EXPRESS THEIR
FEELINGS. Because men can't actually verbalize what is going on in their heads or
in their hearts because men (in general) have an EMOTIONAL DISCONNECT between
their heads and their hearts.
This means that a man might be extremely emotionally hurt, but he will act like
nothing is wrong with him deep down inside because the society says:
"Don't cry..be a MAN...don't show your feelings...never let them see you sweat, etc."
Whereas, women have the luxury of being about to "let it all out...go ahead, ....feel what
you are feeling, etc." The very thing that would make him have a better relationship with
her is the very thing that he doesn't have a clue about or know how to do.
Because his mother or his father or his coach in high school or his buddies tell him to
not do it.
Then, the woman thinks that he doesn't care about her, she puts up a defense against
getting hurt ever again, and the vicious cycle starts all over again.
Then, we have the men who for one reason or another want to be "PLAYERS"---
the hard-hearted men who don't want to fall in love, who don't want to be weak, who
don't want a woman "to get the upper hand", who use and abuse women for their own
pleasures.
Then you have those women who are actually TURNED ON by that kind of behavior and
actually go after the "bad boys" and leave the emotional wimps in the dust; trying desperately
to get to the one who couldn't care less about their feelings, their kids' feelings or anyone
else's feelings for that matter. Those men and women are truly the most dangerous kind of
creatures in the dating world.
They are called NARCISSISTIC MISOGYNISTS and MASOCHISTIC MANIPULATORS,
and they are only operating with the most selfish of motives.
Like I said in the beginning...I could go on and on about how SCREWED UP the
dating world is these days. But, again I urge you, indeed I IMPLORE YOU (that's a
much stronger urge than just asking you) TO GET HELP, NOW!!
If you find yourself dating the same kinds of characters and ending up being hurt by
them in the long run over and over again...STOP IT and GET HELP, NOW.
If you are a person who runs through relationships like you run through underwear...
Just STOP IT and GET HELP NOW.
If your kids are acting up or acting out of frustration because they are not getting the
attention or love or anything else they need to develop good relationships with the people
around them and YOU can't give it to them...STOP and GET THEM SOME HELP NOW!
That is because, the longer you let your problems or someone else's psychological
problems wreak havoc in YOUR life...the shorter your life will be. Emotional stress
causes heart disease, ulcers, high blood pressure, tumors, eye problems, arthritis,
body aches and pains, migraine headaches...and again, the list goes on and on.
Please DO NOT BE ASHAMED to find a doctor or therapist to help you get over
your emotional problems. If you are NOT in a successful relationship or you want
to get out of the messed up one that you are in...you are going to need to GET HELP.
You CAN'T do it yourself, even if you have had years of clinical training in the area.
I once had a boss who was actually studying to be a Marriage and Relationship Counselor
and her life was infinitely more messed up than any of her clients' lives could ever be.
Many people go into those kinds of studies to try to find out what is wrong with themselves
and to learn how to fix it. That may be all well and good, but don't start messing around with
other people's lives while you're in the process of learning how to fix your own.
She did more damage to me, trying to prove that she knew more about my problems than
I did.
It is better to be single and HAPPY, than to be MISERABLE in a relationship
that is not working.
Thanks again for reading this blog...maybe I've saved a relationship or
prevented a crime today.
I hope so...
